1. My eyelashes are too long, should I cut them?
Girl, if you have long eyelashes you are 100% positively blessed from the gods and I would smack a bitch down if she ever tried to cut her eyelashes in front of me... not literally but you know.
2. "Could you just tweeze my eyebrows real quick and that hair on my chin, it's really bothering me."
I am not, I repeat NOT a beautician. I work on a makeup counter. Go get your full brow and chin wax somewhere else hun.
3. "I want something subtle on the eyes... I'm thinking blacks and whites."
Sorry, blacks and whites? Excuse me if I'm wrong but I don't think I ever saw someone wearing black and white on their eyelids and thought 'wow, her makeup is subtle.'
4. Just put the makeup on over what's already on my face - I don't have time for a full cleanse.
I bet you slept in that makeup as well, didn't you? Ya dirt.
5. "Do you have a mascara that isn't wet?"
I can't even dignify that with an answer.
6. "I don't want to put primer on or powder but I want my makeup to last all day."
Well Susan, primer and powder are specifically formulated for those very reasons so not much I can do there.
7. "I bought this mascara two days ago and it's all dried up, can I get a refund?" *Produces 2 year old mascara with no receipt*
Unless that mascara was opened and exposed to air there is no way it has dried up in two days. Also the fact you don't have a receipt and didn't buy it in this store makes me even more suspicious.
8. "Can you book me in for a full makeover? This will only take five minutes right?"
It'll take me five minutes alone to do a full cleanse and moisturise to make sure you have a great base for your makeup. I can't even do my own face in five minutes so don't think I would spend five minutes on a professional makeover that I expect you to pay for.
9. "I'm going on holidays next week, can you match me to what colour my tan will be when I'm away?"
Yes, as one of the requirements of working on counter as a makeup artist is that I also have to have psychic powers.
10. "Can you just try products X, Y and Z on me because I'm really interested in buying."
*Does mini makeover*
"Can I get you anything?"
"No, that's great, I'm just gonna take pictures of them so I can get them cheaper in the airport."
Oh that's great, just waste my time because I don't get commission or have sales targets or anything... appreciate it! Have a nice flight!
And to end it all off on a positive note this is what we're thinking when we're doing someone who is really really naturally pretty's makeup....
